These hard times

If I could try and describe the ideas and thoughts going on in my mind I think that it would be like something out of  a Stephen King novel. Not in the sense that they are horrifying or treacherous but because of the unpredictability of each and every single one of them.  These last couple of weeks have been one lesson after another, and I am not too sure that I am up for being a student in this inclement weather, what I am wondering what I am honestly and whole heartedly wondering is when…when do I get to be the teacher. 

What it comes down to though is that each and every one of us is a student in this class of life and as far as the  teacher is concerned, well there is really only one and he tends to be very fair. But just like a disgruntled kindergartner forced to take a nap, I can’t seem to understand the importance of all of these acts.

Placing it all in his hands that’s what I am trying to do but with every stumble and every scrape on my knee, I can’t help but scream and yell like that toddler forced to come in from the swing set. So much frustration lingers inside and the only way I can seem to get rid of it is by bringing these words to life.

Despite the bad times I’ve got to cling to the hope that everything’s going to be alright, at least that’s what I’ve heard and that’s what I’ve seemed to learn from these past life lessons... that continue to cause second degree burns on a heart and soul that has tried so hard to just keep beating… despite its secret desire to just cease from existing.

I spent years trying to be that good kid and now that I look what’s around me I can’t help but wonder where exactly has this got me…and as much as I’d love to  continue  to discuss the negativity that surrounds my disgust. I think it’s time that I start paying attention to where living like a good kid has got me. I am 22 years old with a whole lot of people who love me…and not the me that most people see, or the me that is always there to rescue thee, or the me who seems to carry everyone else is concern over her own but..me…the real me…the me that laughs every time she falls, the me who secretly fears the idea of not knowing anything, the me who looks in the mirror every day and tries to find one pretty thing on the outside...

I’ll take all this love and a build a new little home for this tired soul, I’ll take every broken fragment of my little heart and create one that beats harder than the older one ever could before.  

 As for now I’ll ride out this storm and learn from my lessons because the inevitable can not be avoided and I’ve never been one to back away from a challenge.   

“Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.”-Oliver Wilde

 

<3 Xo-Chill